The Joys of Pessimism (note: Oprah still sucks)

Thaddeus, a farming consultant from Minnesota, writes that American farmers are congenital gloomy Guses, constantly wringing their hands over weather, blight, and commodity prices. "The result of all this negative thinking," Thaddeus writes, "is the most stable, secure and inexpensive food supply in the history of the world. Farmers worry about dry weather, so they install irrigation systems. They worry about wet weather, so they install tile lines to drain their fields. They worry about diseases, so they vaccinate their cattle and spray fungicides on their crops. They worry about cold winters, so they cut hay and silage for their livestock."