Six Tributes to JJ's Alma Mater Before Incommunicado

Folks, for the next two weeks will be far too busy to abuse FCP in proper style. So take care, and will be back after April 20th. Until then, these bonmots on the place that Spawned JJ

1: [Crime and Punishment]
[a] A Florida State student, a Kansas State student, and an Aggie had all commited horrendous crimes and were going to be shot. The FSU guy was brought up and blindfolded. The general shouted, "Ready ....... aim..." and the FSU guy yelled, "Huricane!!," everybody ducked, and he ran away free.
Dismayed at losing their first prisoner, the guards brought up the KSU student with renewed vengence. They blindfolded him and the general commanded, "Ready......aim....." and the KSU guy shouted, "Tornado!!" and fearing for their lives, everybody ducked, and he ran away free.
Well, the Aggie has been watching all this and starts thinking, "They all yelled natural disasters and they got away, so I will too." So they brought him up and blinded folded him, the general shouted, "Ready ...... aim...." and the Aggie screamed, "Fire!!"
[b]
An Aggie was down on his luck so he decided to go out and kidnap a child to get the ransom. He went to the park and snuck up on one of the kids. He grabbed him and took him behind a tree. He told the kid that he was kidnapped and pinned a note on the kid's shirt that read:
"I have kidnapped your child. If you want to see him again, put $20,000 in a sack and leave it in front of the tree at the park. --- An Aggie."
He told the child to make sure his parents saw the note and sent the child home.
The next day the Aggie went to the tree to find a sack. He looked inside to find the money he had asked for and a note that read:
"How could one Aggie do this to another Aggie."
[c]An Aggie, a Baylor Bear, and a Texas Longhorn need some money. So they decide to rob a bank.
They rob the bank and then hear the cops coming, so they hide in the woods.
The Baylor Bear climbs into a tree, and when the cops come by, he shakes the branches and makes bird noises. The cops think it's just some birds, so they go on.
The Longhorn climbs into a tree and shakes the branches, and the cops think it's a squirrel, so they go on.
The Aggie climbs into a tree. The cops hear some rustling and they say, "What was that?"
And the Aggie goes, " Moo! Mooo!

2: [Number Theory for Aggie Wiles]
[a] The proud new Aggie said to his father at homecoming: " Did you know that there are three types of Aggies? Those who can count and those who can't."
[b] Have you heard about the Aggie kamikaze pilot? He flew 22 missions.

3: [Natural Aggies]
[a] Two Aggies go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods.
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One Aggie turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other Aggie says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
[b] An Aggie decides to raise chickens. So, he goes to the feed store and buys some chicks. He takes the chicks home, and plants them with their heads sticking up. He waters them, but they die. He goes back to the feed store and tells the proprietor that he bought defective chicks, and gets another set. This time he plants them with their heads sticking down. He waters them, but they die. He then sends a letter to his Alma Mater, describing the problem. They send a letter back asking for a soil sample.

4 : [TechnoSavvy]
[a] Why does the new Aggie navy have glass bottomed boats? So they can see the old Aggie navy
[b] Two Aggies were flying across the Atlantic and decided they didn't have enough fuel to make it. So the pilot decided to lighten the load by jettisoning some fuel
[c] A group of Aggie aeronautical science students wanted to send a probe into the sun. Some UT students
said that the probe would burn up long before reaching the sun. The Aggies assured them they need not worry as the plan was to send the probe at night.

5: [The Life Erotic]
[a]Then there the Aggie that was hunting in the woods. He happened upon this beautiful woman laying naked in
the grass. He asked her, "Are you game?" The woman said "yes." So he shot her.
[b] How do Aggies practice safe sex? They get rid of all the cows that kick.
[c] At the end of the night, the Aggie turns to his girlfriend and asks, "Why is it everytime I go out with you, I end up
spending hundreds of dollars?" And she says, "Because I'm a whore."
[d] A Texas Tech graduate, a University of Texas grad and a Texas Aggie were sitting in a bar in San Antonio. The view of the river was fantastic, the beer was ice cold and the food exceptional. "But," said the guy from Tech, "I still prefer the beer joints back in Lubbock. There's one place where the owner goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."

The Longhorn said "Well, at my local bar in Austin, the owner will buy your 3rd drink after you've bought 2."

"Hell, that's nothin'," the Aggie responded. "Back in College Station there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all on the house."
The Red Raider and the Longhorn immediately doubted the Aggie's claims.
"And this actually happened to you?" asked the Tech grad.
"No, not myself personally," admitted the Aggie. "But it did happen to my sister.

6: [Minds at Work]
[a] An Aggie went in to see his advisor, who said, "I want you to take history, math, and logic." "What's logic?" asked the Aggie. "Well," said the professor, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a Weed-eater?" "Why, yes, I do," replied the Aggie. "OK," continued the professor, "logic tells me that you have a yard!" "Amazing," gushed the young rube. "And," continued the professor, "since you have a yard, logic tells me that you have a house." "I do! I do!" exclaimed the boy. "And," continued the professor, "if you have a house, you probably have a wife. And, since you have a wife, I conclude that you are a heterosexual." "Gaaaa-lee!" said the Aggie. "That logic is sump'n else!"
He goes outside, and his friend, Buck, asks him what classes he's going to take. "I'm gonna take history, math, and logic." "What's logic?" asks Buck. "OK," says the Aggie, "I'll give you an example: Do you own a weed-eater?" "Uh, no," relies Buck.
The Aggie pauses a bit and says, "You're QUEER, ain'tcha".
[b] The Aggie who won a gold medal at the Olympics liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.
[c] Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:
"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."